Bread made of Catalan woman

Someone once told the English that "tapas bar" was Spanish for "exotic chav drinking hole". El Sabio in Winchester has taken Alfonso, our royal name, in vain and concocted a quasi-Spanish menu that proves nothing more than that they are perfectly suited to running an English-style tapas bar. Pan de Catalana (which they believe is made with "sweet cherry tomatoes") is our favourite, but there are plenty of other entries in the illiterate peasant stakes. For example: "Aceitunas Mixta" might taste better if the adjective agreed, "Albondígas" have a dangerous rear lurch, "Croketas de queso Manchego y Champinones" revolutionise Spanish orthography and phonetics (here are some ñs for El Sabio: ññññññññññ), "Tortilla Espanola" demonstrates that they can't even spell the name of the country they are screwing, we figure "Paella de Vendors" must really be a rice dish made with estate agents, "Champinones Sacteador" looks like the champiñones have suffered the attentions of the Inquisition (they may simply have been salteados, however), and "Real Ali Oli" isn't a sauce invented by Cassius Clay but proof that they can't spell in Catalan either. To end on a positive note, their "Crème Catalana" not only demonstrates a daring combination of correctly spelled French and Spanish/Catalan, but succeeds in insulting the entire Catalan establishment by describing their work as a "traditional Spanish dessert". Highly recommended.


I assure you that if you trust us, you will not regret

Lenox has more here:

In Essan Translations we work with specialized translators whose job is excellent. Therefore, if you need translation services, whether translation of documents, web pages, books, letters, etc., as well as searches of information in other languages, altogether with the corresponding translation, please, do not doubt in communicate it to us. I assure you that if you trust us, you will not regret.

Essan Translations is based in Valencia and the piss-poor quality offered by them and many of their compatriot translation agencies is one of the reasons Spanish institutions give translation contracts to relatives or to some guy in a bar who once went to London.

This is pleasent to walk there the night

The excellent Lenox Napier points us to http://www.ibiza-tourism.net/. This is one of a legion of sites dedicated to spamourism--posting ostensibly useful, functionally redundant tourism information with the sole genuine purpose of harvesting Google adclicks. The domain registree, who is apparently based in France, is too thick or too lazy to use machine translation, so we get stuff like:

This is the walk situated around the San Antoni bay (Badia de Portamny). This is pleasent to walk there the night. At one end of the walk is situated Sa Punta de Moli (place where an old mill is maintained) and at the other, this is San Antonio center with a splendid fountain which rate its movements with the the music diffused on the public place.